AVReading Newsletter April: Silence

 

In Brandon Taylor’s novel Real Life, he describes a scene where the main character Wallace, a black man, at a party is confronted by a racist comment made by someone there.  He says, “No one said anything to him (the person making the racist comment).  No one did anything. . . There will always be good white people who love him and want the best for him but who are more afraid of other white people than of letting him down.  It is easier for them to let it happen, to triage the wound later than to introduce an element of the unknown into the situation.  No matter how good they are, how loving, they will always be complicit, a danger, a wound waiting to happen”.

            The passage is a painful one to read, but it puts voice to the all-too-common experience where white people consciously ignore acts of prejudice for fear of disrupting the racial order of a group.  This is my struggle.  I was with a colleague and friend who is black along with another colleague and friend who was white. The white colleague made a comment to the colleague of color about the fact that he must have drunk too much chocolate milk growing up.  I cannot recall the context under which this was said, other than that we were in line at a fast food restaurant.  In that moment, I was stunned.  Both my colleague of color and myself stood in shock, and then I shrugged it off.  In the moment, I thought, “Was the chocolate milk reference in relation to my colleague’s race?  Was that racist?  Do I say something?  Did he mean to be hurtful?  Was this something he had been taught when he was young?  Frank (not his real name) is a Vietnam Vet, so should I expect something different?  I mean, he grew up in the south, and he’s about 70 years old. Would it do any good to call him out?”  

            It is painful!  I know that I was totally wrong.  And just like Wallace’s comments state, I was much more willing to do triage than to take care of things in the moment.  It’s like I want to be an antiracist advocate up until the point where I have to sacrifice my position within the dominant white order.  The logical gymnastics I go through-- as evidenced in my situation-- knows no limitations.  

            The impact is that those who suffer at the hands of these moments are victimized twice over.  First, there is the original racist act or comment that hurt.  And second, there was the silence of seemingly kind and thoughtful people who could have responded but chose not to.  A friend of mine, who is a person of color, explains that this was one of the reasons she chose to move to the south. She said, in the north people like to think they are less racist because they do not openly use the n-word or hang a confederate flag.  However, they hide behind this self-righteous belief and ignore the myriad of racist comments that happen in their midst.  

            We might think that simply avoiding racist comments is enough.  But we do not realize that when we let these behaviors and comments go unchecked, our silence gives them a stamp of approval, and we leave the racial hierarchy intact.  As Martin Luther King so famously stated, “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” 

            Tips for breaking the silence. 

            If in doubt, say something. If you are questioning whether it was racist, then it was racist.  Do not give yourself time to talk yourself out of it. 

            Start with a question.  If you are uncertain about how to open up the discussion around the racist comment or thought, start with a question.  “Can you explain that to me?”  “How do you know that to be true?”  “Why do you believe that?”  

            Avoid turning to the person of color to “back you up”.  It is not their job to correct or identify every microaggression or racist assumption stated in their presence.  Do not place the responsibility of the moment on their shoulders. And do not expect praise from them for calling out the racist act.   

            Taylor, Brandon. Real Life. Daunt Books, 2020.

Find the full newsletter here. 

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