AVReading Newsletter June-- Relationships

  

A lot of focus has been put upon fostering relationships with students, especially those who have become disengaged from their studies and from school. And yet, it is not easy.  To begin with, developing relationships takes time.  It also requires creativity in our approaches.  It involves both a willingness to be empathetic and to be emotionally involved, without becoming consumed by the pain and grief that the students might face each and every day.  It is also good to know healthy limits and boundaries to those relationships.  It’s not a popularity contest.  Our goal is not to be the cool, hip teacher who prioritizes fun and entertaining classes over meaningful learning experiences. 

            I’ve also learned, the hard way, that in some cases, those relationships simply will not happen.  I recall one student with whom I tried everything.  And with each passing week, I increased my efforts until she was so angry with me that even a simple “hello” would make her upset.  Each case, each student is different.  Sometimes, I know that I just need to give a student space and time and to find subtle ways to let them know that I care, that I see them, that I am there, and that when they are ready, they can trust me.  For some, the animosity is visible.  They are not pleased about being in school, and they are even less eager to take a class where they are asked to do something they are not good at and that they do not enjoy doing.  

            Regardless, relationships are important.  There are many ways to do this, but I will categorize some low effort, medium effort, and high effort options here. 

            Low Effort.  The door greet is a good place to start.  Just standing at the entrance to your room and making eye contact and using everyone’s name is such a small thing to let students know that they are being seen each and every day.  Getting to know students' names quickly and saying them correctly are also simple things that you can do.  I also like to collect information from students early on to discover some of their interests, hobbies, and activities.  I then review those a few times to have quick “topics of discussion” with them in those moments of down time just before or after class. 

            Medium Effort.  Apologize. 

Considering the number of times that I make mistakes in the classroom, this is a surprisingly regular event.  And I’m sure I’m not unique.  We just have so many encounters, so many split second decisions, so many emotions, that we are bound to make mistakes.  Making the same mistake over and over again is just bad practice.  Making a mistake, owning it and making amends allows others to see us as a little more human.  I also like to make use of the “out of class” visit with students who might be having difficulties.  Usually, I pull them out of a study hall for a talk and walk that begins with a simple “touch base” and develops into a “this is what I’ve noticed” conversation.  I have also done “Good News” cards home, where I will try to send out at least three Good News cards via snail mail each week.  In some cases, I’ll ask a class, “Who needs a Good News card sent home?”  And then I will more or less bribe them into an activity or missing assignment to get that card!  

            High Effort.  For some of my intervention classes, I have a letter writing activity where each week my students and I will correspond with one another.  For some, it will be tedious.  But I am always a little surprised by that handful of introverts who are much more willing to interact in writing than they are in person.  I have also seen teachers do little post-it note messages on student desks.  Each day a student will post a thought on the desk, and each evening the teacher will walk from desk-to-desk responding to what students have written.  High effort options include regular phone calls home, which allow you to build relationship with the families.  The regular nature of the calls means that your communication with them is NOT just about how they misbehaved or how they neglected assignments.  It’s a conversation about what they have done well, what they can work on, and what is coming next.  Beyond these, I also like to get to some of their athletic events, concerts, plays and family celebrations (when invited).  Again, we have limited resources (which includes time), and we have to be smart.  But when the occasions make themselves available, it is good to make the most of them.

 

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